When I was spending my semester on the west coast … ok it was supposed to be two years, but deal with it … I decided to join the ultimate frisbee team. Well, I walked by the table and lustily watched two people throw what I later learned to be flicks and hammers and scubers and was noticed by a nice guy named Shy. He saw I was tall and had a propensity to play sports and recruited me to play. The guys taught me a lot, I had a blast, and when I came back east I asked my awesome hippie friend, who is female, to talk to the boys captain about me becoming a member of their team (wow what a horrendous sentence).

So after a few facebook messages, and a long drive across the country, I showed up at the first practice of the spring for my tryout. Since tryouts are in the fall, I would simply practice with the team. I knew absolutely no one. So as I arrived I was thankful to see my wonderful hippie friend. I yelled her name, she turned, saw me, and sprinted at me. As she jumped into my arms excitedly the entire boys team looked at me with the same thought … “who the fuck is this guy?” Well, the captain realized I must be the idiot who had been messaging him and talked to me and got me warmed up and introduced to the team.

To say I was nervous was to say a sperm whale has decent sized genitalia. We set up in a box drill, the first throw came to me … I caught it. I threw it back straight and to my person … which was rare in those days. No one was impressed. The nest throw to me was out in front … I dived … I caught it and had another good throw. A few eyebrows were raised … who dives for the disc in a drill? The next throw was a replay of the one before. I dived again. I caught the disc. My shorts and boxers (why did I forsake the spandex?) slid to my knees. The Fourth Dimension (yes my penis is named the Fourth Dimension) flopped in the wind and I rolled to cover, exposing my bare ass to my entire new team. I call them my new team, because with that brilliant view of my pasty ass I was on the team. I pulled up my pants and threw the disc. I caught eyes with a few of the guys and they just started laughing.

And that my friends … is how you make an introduction.