February 2012
19 posts
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It took me 10 tries to get my straw in my my drink lid today … if you know what I mean
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“Hit you with the funk it’s like, “who cut the provolone?”
– Gift of Gab, “Paragraph President” by Blackalicious
This line is an absolute beast for so many reasons. Love Gift of Gab’s flow and lyrics.
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Two nights ago I said something and my roommate’s female friend told me that I reminded them of Ellen DeGeneres.
It was one of the best compliments of my life…
The bra is the ultimate booby trap
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Brandy got screwed for Puppy Bowl MVP. At least she was mentioned in the voting, unlike some other puppies I know (cough) Gracie (cough).
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jungcocoabutter replied to your post: jungcocoabutter replied to your photo: Brandy for…
Brandy is going up against a top notch defense. Hunter is having quite a year. Brandy is going to get jammed at the line. I’m telling you Gracie is going to steal this game, and our hearts.
Yeah right. You can’t stop Brandy … you can’t even hope to contain her. There is a reason she...
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jungcocoabutter replied to your photo: Brandy for Puppy Bowl VIII MVP! She’s the best!
Brandy is so overrated. The consistent play of Gracie is overlooked here and that will be a mistake today.
Brandy is a big play maker and will be the difference today. The highlights and the MVP will belong to Brandy
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If I ever dressed in drag...
everybodybutus:
My drag name would be “Wonder Woman” because I’d make you wonder if I was really a woman…
…100% sober stupidity
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Just ordered delivery of a large pizza and field greens salad with grilled chicken. The guy on the phone said it would get to “you guys” in forty five minutes. He thinks I’m sharing the food … how cute
Favorite line to my unrecorded, unfinished, never...
everybodybutus:
My girl’s favorite dance is the sprinkler
But she only does it when I’m under her
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“This 300 pound biker dude was just giving it to me hard. He was like ‘I’m gonna...”
– My friend describing her favorite tattoo experience. She didn’t cry and in fact really enjoyed the whole thing.
This is not describing a scene in a horrible Lifetime movie about a woman overcoming being raped. Though it does sound like that.
(via everybodybutus)
everybodybutus:
The blind boogieman in your closet hates marshmallows so if he asks what your favorite Easter candy is you better not say a Peep
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I hope the closed captioner for Today with Kathy Lee & Hoda gets to be drunk as well. #waitingroomhell
everybodybutus:
Vampires rarely get humans pregnant because they have to ask if they can come inside
January 2012
61 posts
“I was on my knees and ready for it”
– Atif, talking about balls. Volleyballs (via everybodybutus)
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A day in the sloth of me...
Lady on phone: Oh I'm sorry, we don't start delivering until 4pm on Monday through Thursday. Whould you like to pick it up at our restaurant?
Me: No ... bye
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Grandma: I'll cook the next meal
Mom: Well this is our last meal
Grandma: Oh? Why? What did you put in it?
Bubes
everybodybutus:
bu·bes [byoo-beez]
–noun, plural. Anatomy
1. the hair appearing on the outer part of the areola of the breast.
Diane liked to keep her bra on during sex because it hid her bubes.
Community ....
everybodybutus:
Is “Britta or Annie” going to be the new “Ginger or Mary Ann”?
“This song is just like that guy who just ripped off his shirt… Needing to be cut...”
– My reaction to “The Thong Song” being played at the bar (via everybodybutus)
Six word story.
everybodybutus:
She said I do. But didn’t.
everybodybutus:
Q. What is an emo kid’s least favorite magazine?
A. Rolling Stone … just kidding it’s Life
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rawjaatthelogicman asked: I ran across this blog from a communitythings post, then saw that you're a med student in Kentucky. I'm a student in Kentucky, but mech engineering not med.
everybodybutus:
Q. What is an emo kid’s least favorite cereal?
A. Life
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everybodybutus:
Q. What is an emo kid’s least favorite board game?
A. Life
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So I accidentally slept until 11:30 today … #sleepdisorderproblems
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Wikipedia still works if you use their iPhone app. Loophole!
Sorry, but...
everybodybutus:
I don’t think any trip which involves Coolio can be classified as a “Fantastic Voyage”
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“There’s a saying that goes “People who live in glass houses...”
– Demetri Martin, “Demetri Martin. Person.”
everybodybutus:
If a penis is sometimes referred to as a “member”, does that make the condom the official “members only jacket”
Touché
Me: I have to perform my first male rectal exam Thursday, but I'm having a little trouble with the self-exam ... just kidding, obviously
Sarah: Ha, I don't believe you
Me: What don't you believe, that I'm having trouble?
Sarah: No ... that you aren't actually practicing